God no, they mustn’t breed!
(or, why lawyers should not date lawyers)

Yesterday I was at lunch with colleagues, and the subject of dating came up. Most there were dating, or had dated, lawyers.

I cringed. Nay, I cavilled.

I soon found myself on my soapbox expounding my theory that - while I support other people’s choice to do it - I can imagine little worse than dating another lawyer. Not that I have any stake in proposing that lawyers should date a non-lawyer, not me - no siree.

The rest of this entry could get ugly. For form’s sake I will put all law jargon in bold. (Which also goes for “cavilled”, above.)

Now, stale line that it is, I can honestly say some of my best friends are lawyers.

Of my regular commentators, four are lawyers in lawyer-lawyer couples. They are the inspiration that maybe it can work, maybe it isn’t hideously doomed, twisted and awful. But also, as they should know, they are the distinguishable case. They are in lawyer-lawyer couples who knew each other as uni students and shared interests outside law, such as debating or student publications.

Anyway, let it be understood this blog is not about them. Matches made outside the commercial firm environment do not count. Besides, I don’t want success stories here, I want anti-firm bitterness.

Right, back to the rant.

Over time, I have had a lot of arguments put to me about why lawyers could, should or do date other lawyers. One is, “Well, at least you have something in common to talk about.” Frankly, I’d hope there’s more to life than pillow talk about the scope of the constitutional prerogative writs given the winding back of statutory judicial review, and what exactly is the content of procedural fairness to be afforded migration applicants in the context of the Hickmann clause? Or whether a bankrupt can recover overpayments made under s 221YHG of the Income Tax Assessment Act, before the Commissioner of Taxation uses them in satisfaction of pre-existing tax liabilities.

Bored yet? You betcha. Sure, law can be intellectually interesting. It would be hard to justify it as a pursuit otherwise. But 24/7? Please God, no. I really hope lawyers can manage something beyond shop-talk for conversation.

But frankly, why lawyer-lawyer pairings tend to happen is lifestyle. There are two limbs to this next argument.

First, lawyers understand the hours lawyers work, and don’t take being constantly stood up personally. Non-lawyers tend to see working until 9 every night as some sort of sick choice, putting the job before the relationship.

Which, frankly, in part it is.

You could always get another job. Probably not one that pays as well or better unless you're numerate and become an investment banker. But most lawyers are lawyers coz maths wasn’t their strong point. As a couple of people have put it to me, those outside the profession (or comparable crazy industries) don’t understand that lawyers aren’t in a position to commit to anything socially. I don’t mean relationships, I mean stuff like dinner at 7 pm, two weeks on Tuesday. Commercial lawyers may, if they’re lucky, leave the office at 6.30 pm most nights. But they know there will be nights when they don’t finish until - whenever. (If they finish. I saw dawn twice. Yes, I’m still bitter.) And they have no control over when those bad nights fall.

The second limb to my argument is a consequence of the first. Working in a law firm, your social life dies by attrition. Your non-law friends get culled out. Hell, you may stop meeting anyone outside the firm. Lawyers are the only people who will tolerate in a partner the lifestyle of most lawyers.

So most lawyers see it as inevitable that they will only meet other lawyers, possibly only other lawyers at their own firm.

The vice in adopting this position, as far as I’m concerned, is it cuts off any external reality check. It deprives law-types of anyone on the outside who can say, “Um, excuse me? This is, like, nuts? You know, seriously not worth the money?” Wanting to maintain a social life with “real” people is a pretty worthy goal. No firm actively encourages its pursuit. It would be bad for productivity and team cohesion. Next thing you know you’d have lawyers with work-life balance. That’s just crazy-talk, despite what it says in the graduate recruitment brochure.

The other thing that scares me about dual-corporate marriages is just the combined level of fatigue. These really are the class of people for whom it must seem that “sleep is the new sex”.

Although maybe this is the only way to stop lawyers reproducing …