Things yoga teachers say …

I think I am still feeling really lethargic after the amazingly taxing yoga session Tuesday. Sort of a 24 hour delayed reaction thing.

Anyway, while we’re straining away in downward dog, waiting for the endorphins to kick in, our instructor is a real talker. Great guy, but a big talker.

“Get your weight back over your hips, fall forward like a waterfall.”

Me: Yeah, waterfall, right.

“Gravity is your friend.”

Me: Uh huh, the rush of blood to my head is going to really help block out the pain any moment now.

“You can’t do yoga without gravity. It’s utterly essential. There could not be yoga in outer space.”

Me: Um, what?

“You need gravity most of all.”

Me: What I need is steel-reinforced sockets for my goddamn arms.

“Well, you also need a mind obviously. And a body.”

Me: No, I really don’t need my body right about now, not with this blistering pain arching through my wrists and arms and shoulders and … and … ooh, endorphins, now my spine feels all stretchy and spready.

“And trousers. You need trousers.”

…

However, the best single line delivered in my hearing recently was a reason for not going into a loud party in a college bar late on Wednesday.

“It smells like undergraduates.”

This, mind you, from ten metres outside its closed doors.