Yesterday, One of Those Days
(Sunny Optimism 0, Ratbastard Universe 12)


Universe to Doug: It was too hot to sleep last night, you really should consider staying in bed.

Doug: No, no, I’m tip top, honestly. I have a good feeling about to day. I have a positive outlook and I'm on top of my game.

Universe: We’ll see about that.

Doug: No seriously, watch me. Ta dah, wearing my favourite suit and here’s a shirt that don’t need ironing. Add a tie and I’m ready for a day in court! Ooh look, pasta leftovers, no boring ole sandwich for me! No sir. And look, not making a sandwich for lunch has let me get to the train EARLY. Yup, I’m here at the station early.

Universe: So where’s your train ticket, shmuck?

Doug: My WEEKLY pass is right next to my security pass so I can enter my workplace.

Universe: And where did you last see those two fab-u little items?

Doug: … In the pocket of yesterday's shirt - currently a crumpled ball in my laundry basket.

Universe: Yup, that’s where they still are alright. Frisk yourself all you want, they won’t turn up.

Oh and your train will be late, but you’ll convince yourself you don’t have time to dash home.

Doug: However, I can buy a ticket and still be at work in time to prepare thoroughly for court!

Some hours later. In a court room.

Employer to Doug: Do we have that volume of the Australian Law Journal Reports?

Doug: The one in their list of authorities? The one I was meant to dig out this morning? Um, no. You see, the temporary pass I was issued when I got to work - they didn’t key it into the system immediately, so when I got in the lift it would only take me to the ground floor and then it took all this time to … I guess you really don’t need to hear this now, do you?

Many hours later.

Doug: Well here I am. I had to work back to fix up my mess, but it’s all OK. I’m back at the train station where I deposited my car this morning, ready for a smooth ride home.

Hmmm.

Where are my car keys?

Ah. In the office.

I’ll phone my flatmate! He’ll be home and cooking me a yummy dinner by now because it’s his turn. He can come pick me up!

>dial tone, dial tone, dial tone<

Guess he’s not in. Wait! I can catch a bus up the street! Save me a half hour’s walk in this blistering heat!

Yup, this is a bus - it must keep going straight up my street, right? Right?

Universe: Oh, dear. Do I even need to try at this point?

A little while later …

Doug: OK, so the bus got me closer to home, at least.

Kinda.

Well, I needed the walk.

In this heat.

In a suit.

Anyway, I’m sure the flatmate is home by now … oh, he’s not. How fortunate there’s a spare key artfully hidden (by ME!) in the garage.

Universe: Um, remember how your flatmate loaned the spare key to his brother who’s now flown back to Sydney?

Doug: Seriously. I mean.

Dude.

The key is in Sydney?

Universe: Uh-huh.

Doug (deflated): Well, maybe there’s a window open somewhere. I mean, I told the World’s Greatest Summer Clerk, the friend who’s in town from Sydney, to call at 7! I don’t want to miss that call.

Man, would it be great to catch up with her tonight.

From inside impregnable, fortress-like house: >bring bring - bring bring<

Some time later yet …

Doug’s flatmate, the Gentleman Academic: Why are you trying to lever up your window from the outside, armed with only a small corroded garden trowel?