Wednesday, November 12, 2003

The Matrix Diluted

Wachowski B2: “Are you thinking what I’m thinking, B1?”

Wachowski B1: “I certainly am, B2. After the uber-cool gothic-cyber-punk chic of the first film – and the hideous, stultifying, speechifying flop of the second film – we really need to pull out a dazzlingly original conclusion to the trilogy.”

Wachowski B2: “Alternately, B1, do you think copyright has run on the New Testament? We could just resort to a clichéd showdown between the Saviour and Satan … ah, Smith … where the key to victory is turning the other cheek and making a noble sacrifice! We could even drag out that resurrection imagery for another spin round the block and duplicate the ridiculous climactic battle scene from Dark City.”

Wachowski B1: “Not bad B2, why don’t we also eliminate everything interesting from the first film, set it entirely in boring old Zion, and film it in only about four colours until the coda sequence to really emphasise our ham-fisted forebodings of – DOOM! We could also cut Morpheus’ role right down. That’d really make it sell.”

Laurence Fishburne: “What the Hell do you mean, I have no hand-to-hand fight scenes? Just one gunfight? Where’s my katana, dammit?”

Link: “I only hope Frodo – Neo, I meant Neo! – can make it to Mount Doom – sorry! – the Machine City and confront that, that … blazing eye of energy … (gee, you know, that seems kinda familiar, too) … before the audience loses all interest in these totally CGI battle scenes!”

Audience: “Too late.”

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